|If God has accepted me, I need to|
This is a difficult post to write. Following the “keep on keeping on” theme; there is a place where the keeping on is all that’s going to happen.
I have not met my expectations—no matter what I do. I can exercise 6 days a week, eat all the things I am supposed to eat, and nothing happens (of any consequence).
So, here’s what we’re dealing with. (1) A medication that causes weight GAIN—which I am happy to say has NOT happened! This is the anti-cancer pill which I take for 3-5 years. I have heard women say they stopped taking it because it made them gain weight.
FOLKS, THAT IS NUTS!
(2) This medication—Arimidex, although I am taking the generic—also “causes” osteoporosis. I don’t want that any more than the next person, but what is a person to do?
- Continue to challenge myself with boot camp classes and lifting weights. Some of the lifting I can do at home.
- Continue to strengthen my cardio limits in whatever shape or form that takes.
This summer, I was discouraged to buy three pairs of capris that were a larger size. However, they look good on me. It looks like I will be investing in some things for fall and winter too. (My tops are not an issue: yes, I work on my “wing flaps,” but none of that work is going to change my size.)
So, I am at this place: acceptance of what is going to be, until I go off this medicine. In the meantime, I will continue to work as I know what to do, and hopefully, if the weight doesn't fall, the body mass index will.
I have a few problems though, and I just have to work at it. Water really makes me nauseous. Really. So when I go to my classes, I am nauseous. Getting up and down also makes me nauseous, so I have to manage that. I am juggling balls of waves of nausea, the relationship of when to eat with exercise, and fitting that in with the rest of my life.
I also had a shot of cortisone in my left knee and I AM going to obey the doctor on this. No planking, push-ups, burpees or mountain-climbers. However, I do substitute exercises that build strength in my legs. It’s funny how there are things that others are grunting at that come easy for me. An example is spreading my legs and stretching them, which I believe comes from years of cheerleading. My core is terrible and I am working on that specifically.
Underneath all the work, and all the eating, is a place of “This is going to be as good as it gets for a while, so I need to accept it.”
I will keep doing what I am doing.
While my husband is not completely on board with the eating, I will do as much as I can. I will make good choices in restaurants and I will NOT fix two meals at home. I will do as much as I can do within my lifestyle.
Today I took the big tote of clothes in a smaller size to the basement. I hated doing that. It seems like failure, but the other side of it is that seeing that tote in my closet every day was depressing. I don’t need that. Now I can see exactly the clothes that fit me! That, in itself is fun!